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One Month Left of my Freshman Year

14 Apr

One year ago today my life consuming senior project was finished as was basically all my other classes. My biggest concern was who was picking up the kegs for the huge party were throwing that weekend. Come to think of it I was on jello shot duty.

I was slacking off in the job app department but I was lucky enough to get two legit interviews under my belt before I walked the stage … so I guess I wasn’t being a total slacker.

What else was I worried about? Ah yes, having a base tan before our senior trip to Daytona Beach. Because my skin is/was basically see through, a base tan was 100% necessary. (Note: I’ve stopped tanning because of the extremely harmful side effects.)

Somewhere in the back of my mind was the lingering thought that I did have to face reality soon, but I wasn’t losing sleep over it. In one month, a year ago today, my life was starting. I’d have to start paying my own bills, living on my own and dodging those hits life throws at you.

Part of me misses college so much it hurts. I miss it for the same reasons everyone misses it. The carefree life style of living with your best friends, drinking till the sunrise, laughing till it hurts and going to class with the confidence that I could do anything once I left.

I’ve grown up a lot in the past year, but the thing I notice most, is now much more I will this year. You’re whole life you’re surrounded by people. Family, friends, teammates, coaches, friends of friends, etc, who know you, love you, look out for you. I’m an only child raised by my single mom and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Being an only child has taught me independence, confidence and the ability to talk to anyone; traits I still exude and will for the rest of my life.

I graduated high school and went to college to meet a new genre of people. Not just friends, the staff and professors at Mount Saint Mary College who went above and beyond with support and guidance to make it home. That may sound cheesy, especially to fellow MSMC alum or current students, but it’s true, or at least in my case it is.

Now it’s me. Just me. In the biggest city in the world, just trying to make it. I still have all the people mentioned above in my life, but not a 5 minute walk or drive away. They’re not here with me, listening to my daily musings, rants and gossip. They’re not here to console me when I’ve had a day from hell or make me laugh till I cry or cry till I laugh for that matter.

It’s just me and now it’s setting in. I’m at the forefront of what your 20s are all about; figuring yourself out. Figuring out what you want in life, who you will become, what your mark will be. I know I may sound corny and cliche and clearly I’m the billionth person to realize this, but you don’t “get” it until your experiencing it. On paper, I’m living the life I wanted. In New York, with a full time communications job. Is it what I thought it would be? In some ways yes, in more ways no. But I know how much I’m going to grow and change for the better living this life.

I’m excited for what’s to come and I can only hope you’ll stay as I share it.

As for this blog … I’m thinking of adding a “Part Deux”  until I figure out what’s next. Sophomore Year of Life doesn’t quite have the same ring to it.

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Day 4: A picture of your night.

4 Mar

Roughly four of seven of my nights of the week used to look like this:

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Ah I miss it. Once a week or so I click through my pictures of Facebook from senior year and reminisce about the absolutely insane times I had. I used to get sad, slightly depressed even, with nostalgia for college – I’m sure most people in the Freshman Year of Life get that feeling.

– Staying out till 4 a.m. then getting up and going to class? Done.
– Getting into the bar with a local grocery store rewards club card? Not a problem.
– Sitting in the cafeteria for literally hours at a time laughing with your friends at Lord know what? Daily.
– Wearing sweats nearly every day? Jeans exist?

But alas, those times are gone. Of course I still still go out and have an awesome time, but it’s different, obviously.

Though my nostalgic feelings for college surface from time to time, I beginning to truly like and adjust my “new” life. Last weekend my grandma and step mom cam to town to visit. We had a fantastic time wining and dining, eating gelato and walking around New York, but when Sunday morning came for them to leave, I was ready. Clearly I adore them and love them to death, but my jive was all out of whack. I know most of you get it so I won’t attempt to explain more.

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Now I take cool artsy pictures of myself in Madison Square Park.

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Who am I?

I Love Brooklyn

27 Feb

Yes … yes I do.

IMG_0071“This is the most quintessential cafe,” said a guy sitting at the table behind me said a few moments ago. “I mean everything about it. From the people, the prices, the colors on the wall – it doesn’t get more urban than this.”

He’s sitting across from his girlfriend (assumingly) discussing hiking in Virginia. The guy is white, the girl looks Latino and they both are writing vigorously with blue pens in matching notebooks.

To my left is a black family with an adorable baby girl, Nala, in teeny gold Uggs. Her grandmother is holding her, standing and swaying back and forth with her hair wrapped tightly in a black and blue scarf and a floor length denim skirt

Large bold canvas paintings cover the pastel green and pink walls and two Rastafarian men are sitting at the bar with slowly bobbing their head to the soft reggeton music playing in the background. There’s a white guy, seemingly high on caffeine – and life for that matter – attempting to talk politics with the Rastafarian men whose tall red, yellow and green head wraps are blocking my view of the chatty bald white guy.

There’s four twenty something’s on their laptops sipping coffee and what looks like a few regulars at the bar chit-chatting and reading the paper. A guy just walked in wearing a Northface jacket, got a large coffee and left in a hurry.

I’m sitting at a corner table, slouched back, legs perched on an adjacent chair in a worn college sweatshirt, sipping my second iced coffee of the day. Nothing really to do, no where to go, just taking it in at K Dogg and Dune Buggy.

IMG_0085(The Rastafarian men left before I took this, rather upsetting)

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Took this today after a spontaneous brunch with an old coworker. Can you get this view in Manhattan? Didn’t think so.

 

Arabian Nights

24 Feb

Remember that song from Aladdin? Ah to be young again.

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The lovely Leanna and I headed across the street during our lunch for some manicures and Arabian Nights was my color of choice. I feel so much better with nice manicured hands, agreed?

IMG_0034Oh hey bags under my eyes, funky hair, large zit (s) on the forehead and arguably the ugliest fingers on the planet, what’s up? Normally I’d curse, pick, pry and attempt to fix you but your here and that’s alright.

As of late I’ve been reading a lot of “body loving” blogs and it has got me thinking.

I’ve been reading “healthy living blogs” for over two years now. And I won’t lie, when I first started this blog that was my goal. “I’m going to take pictures of my food, blog about my life attempting to be fit and healthy,” and almost mimic other many healthy living blogs out there.

Who wouldn’t want to have rock hard bodies, eat (pretty much) only super healthy food and run marathons all while being super happy and enthusiastic about it?

I’m a vulnerable person and I found myself (gulp) falling into the “trap” of comparison. Yes I do love  and have oatmeal every morning but my lunch is rarely a great colorful, nutrient packed, delicious meal that I carefully planned. It’s usually soup and toast with triangle cheese. Maybe some hummus and crackers if my budget allowed it. Exciting stuff, I know.

And why wasn’t I so enthusiastic about working out. Yes, I do like exercising and the way it makes me feel. Do I love exercise? No. Do I think 20 minutes of running at a 6.5 pace on the treadmill is a solid cardio workout before lifting? Yes. Have I ever done an hour of cardio at the gym? Yes – once. And I almost died of boredom.

Catch my drift?

I’m most certain I’m not alone. Because of my vulnerability, current struggles and constant feeling of comparison, I stopped reading a few healthy living bloggers daily. Read: daily. I was surrounding myself with what was mentally hurting me.

I took it a mini step further and unfollowed a few on Twitter as well.

For some of you this may be hard to understand others not so much. Do I still have a lot of respect for these bloggers that have literally dedicated their lives to their blogs, of course. It takes courage and persistence (among many other adjectives) to do what these women do. 

But it’s not me, at least right now.

Yes I like to share some of what I eat, recipes I try and half marathons I don’t train for, but for now I’m just trying to be me.

My Freshman Year of Life will end pretty soon but this blog will not. The name will change and the content will (ideally) be a bit more focused, but for now, I’ll continue living, learning and writing down my random musings in the lovely space they call the world wide web.

Getting in the flow

13 Feb

Sup peeps?

A few things you must know:

  • Those buffalo chicken wontons were restaurant quality.
  • I’m laying on the floor of my bedroom typing this. Changing it up a little.
  • I’ve had an awesome week since posting this.
  • Spinning is my new shit.
  • Apparently so are lists.
  • Yoga is paying off. I can almost do one real push up. Thank you vinyasa flows.
  • My face is breaking out/really dry. Big ups to my Irish heritage and winter!
  • I pretty much have come to the realization that I do in fact live in New York and I’m getting into my flow.
  • Hipsters are ironic.
  • The fact that valentines day is Monday doesn’t bother me at all. Honestly.
  • My roommates little dog keeps running into me as I lay (lie?) on the floor because he’s super old and blind.
  • At brunch today I  had hollandaise and poached eggs for the first time ever. My thoughts? Eh
  • I’m waiting for three of my best friends get here so we can go out and cause a ruckus.
  • I tried on jeans today that I haven’t worn in forever and they were super snug. DAMN IT.
  • I have an awkward crush my cousins boyfriend’s friend. He has tattoos, a beard and is in a band. Not usually my type but hey.
  • I realize this post is totally random and has no common theme.
  • Tonight will be grand. I must take pictures.
  • I was a hot 90s kid.

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  • It’s now the next day and I couldn’t post this yesterday because my internet was screwed up.
  • Last night was indeed fantastic.

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  • Lovely cousin Isabelle.

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  • College roommate for three years Meg.

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  • Joe and Raelynn being funny.

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  • NYC girls. (Thanks Rae in the back)
  • I left my credit card and ID behind the bar so now I have to go get it.
  • I realized it when I attempted to pay for the cab.
  • Sorry for partying.

I’mma be me

5 Feb

I think I just had a mini epiphany. You know that feeling when you want to scream at the top of your lungs, until your voice goes hoarse? When you feel like no matter how hard you try to screw your head, nothing seems to mesh? When your insides are literally crawling because they can’t find the right place?

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That was me. Twenty minutes ago.

I was sitting on my unmade bed, with my back against the wall, and computer on my lap, miserable, thinking what the f*ck.

And then it hit me. I’ve been surrounding myself with things have been subconsciously killing my mental and emotional well being; not all the time, not even a majority, maybe 30% of the time.  Well I’m happy to announce I’m getting that 30% back.

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I’m not ready to dive into that bag o’ tricks, but this feels good.

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Here some real facts about me:

  1. I’m super broke and getting broker.
  2. I spent $70 dollars on dinner Thursday night. It was fabulous. I don’t regret it.
  3. I think I look pretty good in most pictures.
  4. I bought a rotisserie chicken for a dish I’m making tomorrow. I ate the two drum sticks standing in my kitchen, skin and all.
  5. I’m good at doing hair.
  6. I worry I don’t love my friends as much as they love me.
  7. I’m proud of the relationship I have with my grandparents. Although I’ll be a wreck when they pass, I won’t have any regrets. I love them with every ounce of my being, and they know that.
  8. I have four half siblings that I have no relationship with.
  9. My mom and I are closer than any mother/daughter relationship I’ve seen.
  10. I pick my cuticles till the bleed. I know it’s gross, but I can’t seem to stop.
  11. I ran a half marathon and didn’t train for it. Who does that?
  12. I’ve never been in love.
  13. I really want to lose weight, but because of number 4 it’s pretty hard.
  14. I’m kinda selfish.
  15. There’s someone who I constantly think about.
  16. I drink way to much when I go out. Sometimes 10-12 beers. Sorry for partying.
  17. I slowing getting into photography thanks to blog reading.
  18. I have really good rhythm.
  19. I’d rather be broke for the rest of my life and be truly happy.
  20. I really want to start going to church again. I attempted to kill two birds with one stone at yoga. But I’m really not into the meditation and chanting.

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